Podophilia It Ain't

I had never been much of an athlete growing up, so the fact that I now have two runner's toes--a result of the jogging routine I started when I moved to Schwerin--has instilled me with an odd sense of pride. Never mind the fact that one of my toenails is crimson-colored and almost certainly dead, while the other can be lifted up like a trapdoor to reveal the soft fleshiness of my nail bed (which Wikipedia informs me is "often colloquially referred to as the 'quick'") underneath--for these doomed, discolored cuticles are visceral evidence of my newfound athleticism, and I will wear any open-toed shoes with the appropriate aplomb.