KLB Jungle Warrior Party

Who: Aspiring Party WarriorsWhat: The KLB Jungle Warrior Party Where: Paradis Island, just offshore from Hotel Paradis in Gisenyi When The evening of 30 January How: A Party Bus with room for 20 people and their luggage has been chartered by the KLB Crew at a price of RWF 4,000 per person. It will depart from UTC at 11 AM. Please RSVP so alternative arrangements can be made should more than twenty avail themselves of the Party Bus. Those traveling separately can rendezvous with the party at Hotel Paradis in the evening. Boats to and from Paradis Island will be running through the night.

People of Rwanda:

The time for action again arrives, for the KLB Crew has devised another crucible in which party warriors are to be forged. On Saturday 30 January, a busload of raw recruits will depart for Gisenyi. There they will transfer to a marine transport vessel, which will carry them to Paradis Island about a klick offshore from the hotel of the same name. During the night they will negotiate a series of tests designed to reveal their mettle and might. These will include:

  • Nocturnal Aquatic Tube Drills
  • Sand Navigation
  • Intensive Star Gazing
  • Methane Pocket Avoidance
  • Fire stoking
  • Pirate Raids Against Bralirwa

After these and other tests have been successfully completed, a ceremony will be held in which recruits shall receive the Mark of the Party Warrior on the body part of their choice. Those happy few will be transported back to the mainland, where they may continue partying at the onshore venue. After their spirit is fulfilled, they may book alternative accommodations on the mainland. Transport back to Kigali is the prerogative of the Party Warrior.

Yours feverishly,

The KLB Crew

Addendum: After this email was sent out, we were informed by the hotel owner that the Rwanda marines had put the kibosh on the celebration. Too close to the still conflict-prone DRC. Thus, the party will take place on a beach nearby. Oh well.